


everything stays (but it still changes)

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Blind!Phil, Blindness, Car Accidents, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, M/M, Phandom Big Bang 2017
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 06:59:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12501516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: dan and phil are neighbors who don’t talk much, except for the occasional light nights on the rooftop when they both can’t sleep. when phil is blinded in a car accident, he has to relearn everything he knew about navigating the world





	everything stays (but it still changes)

**Author's Note:**

> artist: @jpgghowell 
> 
> beta: @dimplesandglasses
> 
> [this fic is being reposted due to inaccuracy of portrayal of blind people]
> 
> playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCibvVRi3UieVREf8jguu3CbwnkgbHqI_

 

Dan had a good life. He was well off despite being a college dropout and a freelance musician. Each time he would perform a gig, more and more people would show up, bringing in more money for him. He lived in a good part of London where everything was in walking distance and had plenty of friends to support him.

 

Despite this, he still found himself worrying over his life and his future. Sometimes, usually late at night when the city’s busy hum had faded, Dan felt that what he had would never be enough. It was on those nights that, instead of lying in bed trying to get sleep and inevitably failing, he would go up to the rooftop of his apartment complex. 

 

The rooftop was his sanctuary, with its cold concrete and view of the tall buildings  around him. It was always dark and secluded, no real lights having been placed up there. It hid whoever was out on it from the prying eyes of the world. The late night traffic, the emergency vehicles rushing past, and the drunk people stumbling home, oblivious to the world, all brought a strange calm to Dan. The thought that there was other people facing problems along with Dan made him feel alright.

 

It was on one of those nights that he met Phil. The two were neighbors, but they had never properly talked besides the occasional greetings whenever they passed in the hall. Dan had gone up to the rooftop, desperate to escape the silence of his apartment, only to find it was occupied already.

 

In the dim lighting of the city, Dan could see a man almost as tall as he was standing next to the ledge, gazing at the traffic below him. Dan froze for a second, slightly startled at the sight of someone else being on the rooftop this late in the night. Most people were fast asleep at 3 AM. Dan was about to turn back and return to his apartment when the man turned around. He stared at Dan, as shocked as Dan was at the sight of another person up. The surprise faded away and was replaced with a smile. 

 

“Hi,” Dan greeted, inwardly flinching at how awkward it sounded.

 

“Hey,” the man responded just as awkwardly.

 

Dan walked over to where the man was standing. Below them, the dim city buzz filled up the silence in between their words. “I’m Dan. Live in the apartment next to you.”

 

“Phil, and I know.”

 

A silence passed between them before Dan spoke again. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

 

“Says who?” Phil smirked. 

 

“Says any reasonable person who gets enough sleep at night. Won’t you regret being up this late when you go to work tomorrow?”

 

“I don’t have to go to work tomorrow,” Phil countered, leaning against the ledge. “You know, I could be asking you the same questions.”

 

Dan shrugged. The conversation died again, and Dan was left staring at the passing cars below them. He felt the worries that had been keeping him up slowly reside to the back of his mind. 

 

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Phil was staring at the sky, searching for a star. The light pollution killed most of their light; however, occasionally one could spot the dim gleam of a star. 

 

“Too quiet in my apartment.”

 

Phil nodded in agreement. The silence they shared was comfortable, letting the city fill in wherever needed.

 

The sound of an ambulance’s sirens caught Dan’s attention. It rushed through the street, disrupting the steady flow of traffic. Even in the quiet of the night, life continued on. Life’s troubles didn’t rest with its people during the night, but then again, neither did life’s miracles. Though Dan liked to pretend to be pessimistic and claim that someone was shot whenever an ambulance passed by, deep down he always was hoping it was a miracle. In a world that seemed on the brink of collapse, miracles were something that brought Dan hope.

 

Phil looked at him and smiled softly. “We should go to bed.”

 

Dan agreed and the two went back inside the apartment building. They talked as they walked down the stairs, but it was mostly small talk about their interests and careers. They discovered their mutual love for anime, resulting in Phil promising Dan to invite him over for a marathon one day. 

 

Once outside their apartments, Phil turned to Dan and said, “Get some sleep, okay?” 

 

Dan nodded, then stepped inside his apartment. When he climbed into his bed, he felt drowsiness wash over him instantly. There were no voices or worries left, only the desperate need to sleep. That night he slept peacefully and better than he had in a long time.

 

They continued to meet each other on the rooftop. Dan would be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy these encounters with Phil. In fact, he found himself hoping that Phil would already be up there. They mostly talked about simple things or annoyances like the lift still being out of order and the neighbor down the hall who holds loud parties every Friday.

 

Dan discovered that Phil edited movies and short films for a living. It was a fun job for Phil, even if it stressed him out whenever deadlines came up. Phil came up to the rooftop when he couldn’t sleep from the stress or if he needed a break from editing so late in the night.

 

“Why exactly do you come up here?” Phil had asked him one time.

 

Dan shrugged. “Anxiety about life, I guess.”

 

Phil nodded sympathetically, then the two returned to watching traffic again.

 

The months passed in a blur, their lives continuing in a regular routine. Dan began meeting up with Phil besides on the rooftop. Phil’s lively personality made him someone Dan wanted to be around constantly. He was the kind of person who could cheer you up with their presence alone.

 

He listened to Dan rant about the meaning of the universe, even if Dan didn’t always make sense. If Dan locked himself in his apartment for too long, Phil would barge in and force Dan to care for himself.

 

Phil was slowly becoming Dan’s best friend. Not to mention the butterflies Dan felt whenever he saw Phil smile.

 

Dan was returning from the store late one morning when he saw Phil coming down the hall. He looked stressed and tired, more than usual. Phil didn’t notice Dan until he ran into him. He mumbled an apology before trying to slip away, but Dan grabbed his arm to stop him. Phil looked up at Dan in surprise.

 

“Phil, whatever it is you’re stressing about, it’s going to be alright,” Dan reassured, then let go of his arm.

 

Phil looked surprised for a second, but then smiled. His shoulders dropped and he straightened up a bit. “Thanks, Dan.” He turned back around and walked off, heading to a meeting with his manager. Dan continued on back to his apartment, ready to waste away a normal day. To both of them, there was nothing too special about today.

 

However, accidents tend to happen on normal days.

 

They’re accidents that you never think about. You hear the horror stories about it, but you ignore the danger as you go through your daily life. You simply can’t think about it; it’d cause too much anxiety that would interfere with life. It’s the impossible that simply won’t happen until it does.

 

The moment it happens, your eyes widen and your heart stops. The future is staring you right in the face and you’re paralyzed about what you should do.

 

Phil chose to take the bus to his office that day as it was faster and less crowded than the tube. He was standing on the bus, holding onto a pole, when it came to a stoplight at a busy intersection. The light turned green and the bus driver headed across, not thinking too much about it. It was merely another stoplight to cross.

 

A speeding driver who had already committed a hit and run seconds ago didn’t see the red light on his end. He was too busy focusing on getting away from the scene. By the time he recognized that he needed to stop, he was going too fast to make it before the stoplight. The bus’ blue color was the last thing the driver saw before he slammed into the bus, right where Phil was standing.

 

Nobody saw the car until it hit the bus. One second Phil was playing on his phone, and the next he was being thrown back and into a horrendous amount of pain. He quickly lost consciousness and the world he knew drastically changed.

 

Phil became aware of reality again, though it was hazy and painful. His ears were ringing and he could feel blood on him. The shapes of the world, its colors and light, had faded into nothingness. Not a black, a color that he would recognize, but an indescribable void. He wasn’t dead if the pain in his limbs were anything to go by. 

 

He could hear the panicked voices of people; women screaming and someone yelling to “call an ambulance; he’s not responding and I think he hit his head”. He could smell the gasoline that left a sour taste in his mouth and burned his throat. His head was pounding, muffling what senses he did have. The one sense he couldn’t reach or achieve was his sight. It felt like he was in a dream where he could still sense reality, yet couldn’t see it. 

 

Scared and confused, Phil tried to move his limbs but they wouldn’t respond. He was trapped and lost in a world he no longer recognized. He tried to call for help, but his voice was too weak.

 

The pounding in his head increased, until his senses once again became numb and Phil drifted back into unconsciousness.

 

_

“Phil? Can you hear me?”

 

Phil groaned, becoming aware of the world. He was in less pain than earlier but he could still feel dull aches throughout his body. He felt like it had been replaced with a heavy cloud. He could feel something cold against his wrist, adding onto the hazy feeling. His head was throbbing, making it hard to focus on what was going on. He felt dizzy even though he was lying still.

 

“If you can hear me, lift your hand.”

 

Confused, Phil obeyed. His hand felt like it had weights tied to it and his arm ached from the simple movement.

 

“Thank you, Phil.” He heard the sound of someone writing. “Now, can you open your eyes for me?”

 

Phil forced his eyelids open, expecting to be blinded by the light of the world. However, despite his eyelids feeling like they were open, he still couldn’t see.

 

“I-I can’t see anything. What’s going on?” Phil murmured, panicking. He heard some shuffling and unfamiliar whispers. He tried to turn his head towards the noise but it only made him dizzier. “Why can’t I see?”

 

A gentle feminine voice cut through his panic. “We’ll get to that soon enough. What’s the last thing you remember?”

 

Forcing through the haze in his mind, Phil thought back to the last events he remembered. “I was standing on the bus, heading to the office.” He frowned, recalling the strange turn of events. “Then I was waking up. Everything felt weird and distant. I couldn’t see then either. There were people talking, but I don’t remember what they said.”

 

Phil heard the scratching of pen against a clipboard.

 

“Is that all?”

 

Phil nodded, but instantly regretted it when his head protested. A silence passed with more whispers until the feminine voice spoke again.

 

“You were in a car accident. A car had hit the bus you were on in the middle of an intersection. You were knocked out when it hit. How, we’re not sure, but we have an idea of what might have happened. It would explain why you can no longer see.”

 

Phil stayed silent, waiting for their explanation. A deep voice spoke this time. “When the car hit, you could have been thrown into something from the impact. We know you hit your head at some point and that might have been it. We believe that the impact may have caused significant brain damage to the occipital cortex.”

 

Phil started to panic; he knew that brain damage was a serious injury. “How bad is it? What all will be affected?” 

 

"It appears only your vision has been affected so far. The fact that you’re conscious and able to clearly responds means is a good sign. The blindness may merely be temporary. The worst possible outcome would be that the blindness is permanent."   
  


Phil felt the panic reside. He could deal with being temporarily blind for a few days. Sure, it would be annoying, but it was much better than being permanently blind.

 

He let his eyes fall shut, exhaustion tugging on his mind. The ache in his head was overwhelming. Sleep sounded blissful after the day he had.

 

“We need you to stay awake, Phil,” the feminine voice spoke again. “We need to ask you some mandatory questions.”

 

Phil sighed, forcing his eyelids back open so that the doctors knew he was awake.

 

“We promise we’ll go as fast as possible. It shouldn’t take more than ten minutes.”

 

Phil sighed and prepared himself for the onslaught of invasive medical questions.

 

_

 

Dan originally hadn’t been planning on going back out of his apartment. He had no reason to and he liked to keep his social interactions to a minimum. 

 

He was watching TV absentmindedly when a commercial for a new video game came on. He would have ignored it until he realized it was the game that he had been waiting for since the beginning of the year. The commercial advertised that it was only available in stores, meaning Dan would have to go out again to get it.

 

He contemplated the benefits of going out and eventually gave in. He grabbed his wallet and apartment keys from the counter and headed out of his apartment.

 

Dan was on his way down the stairs when his landlord, Liz, came up to him. She was a sweet woman who was best friends with everyone in the apartment complex. She was especially close to Phil, their sunny personalities making it easy for them to get along together.

 

“Dan!” she greeted. She was panicked, an emotion Dan had never seen from her. Normally she was smiling and humming to herself in delight.

“Hey Liz, what’s wrong?”

“There was a car accident a few blocks down earlier today,” Liz explained. “I saw it on the news. A car had hit the bus in the middle of the intersection after a hit and run earlier on that street. I wouldn’t have paid much mind to it, except it was the bus Phil takes whenever he heads to the office.”

Dan inhaled sharply, fear seizing his heart. He recalled the interaction earlier with sudden panic.

Liz noticed his sudden change in demeanor. “Do you know if he went to his office today?”

“I think he did? I saw him early this morning. He looked really stressed so I assume he was heading to his office.”

Liz started to bite her nails. “He hasn’t answered any of my phone calls either. That’s not like him.” The two stood in a tense silence for a moment. “Do you think you could maybe- I don’t know- check the hospital for him?”

Dan nodded. If he didn’t go for Liz, he’d go for himself. He had started worrying over what had happened the moment Liz told him Phil might be hurt.

 

“Yeah, I can do that. I’ll text you if he’s there.”

 

“Thank you so much,” Liz said, smiling. “He’ll probably be at the nearby hospital, as the accident didn’t happen too far from here.”

 

Dan knew which one she was talking about, so he bid her farewell before rushing down the stairs. He got out his phone and searched the quickest route to it. He would have to take the tube and walk about a block, but Dan estimated that he’d be there in twenty minutes.

 

After impatiently riding the tube and running the entire block, Dan arrived at the hospital. Taking a deep breath to both brace himself for awkward conversations and because he was definitely out of shape and shouldn’t have ran, Dan headed inside the lobby and headed to the front desk. The lady looked up at him, her unusual gray eyes staring into him.

 

“How can I help you?” she greeted, a ‘i’m a helpful secretary’ smile on her face.

 

“Has anybody by the name of Phil been admitted here recently?” Dan asked, biting his lip.

 

“I can check. What’s his last name?”

 

“I-I don’t remember?” he said sheepishly. “If it helps, he might have came in from the car crash that happened early. The one with the bus?”

 

The nurse hummed, pulling up something on the computer. “There were a couple people who came in right before lunch. He might have been in it.” She scrolled through the list of people admitted, the screen’s glow reflecting off her eyes. She focused on first names only and stopped once she found the name. “Is it Phil Lester you’re looking for?”

 

“Yes, that’s him.” So he had been the accident. That wasn’t good at all. “Is he okay?”

 

The secretary clicked on something and read it. She smiled, a real one this time. “He’s been beaten up quite a bit, but nothing critical. He was unconscious when he arrived, however he has woken up several times already.”

 

Dan visibly relaxed. Phil was hurt, but not too severely. He noted to himself to text Liz this. “Am I allowed to see him?”

 

The secretary nodded and she grabbed a sticky note. “Since he’s not severely injured, you’re allowed to visit. He’ll probably remain in here for a day or two to make sure there are no injuries we overlooked.” She looked at the screen and wrote down a number. “He’s in room 321. The elevator is down the hall on the left.” She handed him the sticky note with the room number on it.

 

“Thank you so much,” Dan said politely. He walked over to the elevator, dodging doctors and patients in the hall. Stepping inside the elevator, he got out his phone and quickly sent a text to Liz. She texted back immediately, both relieved that Phil wasn’t hurt and a little frightened that he had been in a car accident.

 

It didn’t take long to find Phil’s room once he left the elevator. He followed the signs that listed where each set of numbers were and came across where Phil was staying. At the door, he knocked before slipping inside.

 

The room was like any typical hospital room. White, sterile walls that lacked imagination. A single window letting sunlight flood the room. Everything was overly clean and smelled of medicine and steel machines. There was a heart monitor hooked up to Phil, a steady beep cutting through the otherwise silent room.

 

Phil was lying on a bed, his eyes shut. He had bandages covering his arms for the cuts and his face was dirty with asphalt. Dan noticed bruises littering his skin like purple splatters of paint. He looked peaceful, his chest rising and falling evenly, his mouth parted slightly. Dan’s heart jolted at the sight of Phil, despite being torn up, being so calm and beautiful. 

 

Dan sighed, pulling up a chair to sit next to Phil’s bed. He watched as Phil shifted in his sleep, looking fragile as if one gust of wind would break him apart. 

 

Dan was caught off guard when Phil’s eyes fluttered open. He jumped, standing up and throwing the chair back. It skidded against the ground and Phil winced at the sound.

 

“Who’s there?” Phil squeaked. His eyes stared into empty space.

 

Dan gently touched Phil’s hand, confused as to why he wasn’t looking at Dan. His touch only startled Phil more. He grabbed Dan’s fingers, eyes still darting around the room.

 

“Phil?” Dan said. “It’s me, Dan. Your neighbor?”

 

Phil visibly relaxed at this. “Sorry. I can’t see anything right now.”

 

“What do you mean?” Dan was distantly aware that Phil was still clutching onto Dan’s fingers.

 

Phil shrugged. “I hit my head during the accident, affecting my vision. The doctors said it should come back in a couple days.”

 

“That’s not too bad, right?”

 

Phil nodded in agreement, then winced as it aggravated his headache. “I can deal with being blind for a few days.”

 

Dan smiled at the chirpiness in his voice. “Liz was worried about you, by the way. She sent me here to make sure you weren’t dying.”

 

Phil giggled. “You can tell her that I say hi and that I’m only a little beaten up.”

 

“She’ll be glad to hear that,” Dan retorted, texting Liz what Phil said. “I’m glad to hear that.”

 

Phil’s cheeks pinked a little at that. He squeezed Dan’s fingers, then suddenly let go of them like hot coals. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

 

“It’s alright, I didn’t mind,” Dan interrupted. 

 

Phil hesitated before delicately grabbing Dan’s hand and intertwining it with his own. As if he could sense Dan’s confused stare, Phil said, “It helps me know where you are. It’s strange not being able to see you.”

 

“I’m sure you miss my pretty face already.”

 

Phil laughed. “Not at all.”

 

Dan rolled his eyes. “Rude.”

 

Phil merely smiled in response. A moment passed, filled with the rhythmic (and annoying) beat of the heart monitor. Phil spoke again. “Thank you for visiting. It’s already quite boring here.”

 

“No problem. You’ll be out of the hospital in no time. Then you can go back to watching cars with me at three am.”

 

Phil giggled, content in this building of sickness and pain. He knew that everything was going to be okay, that this was only a minor bump in the road.

He was wrong.

 

It was when the MRI scans came back that everything fell apart. Phil’s vision hadn’t improved at all since he was first admitted like it should have. The MRI scan was done to check for any swelling or damage done to the brain that would account for the loss of vision.

 

Dan had come to visit again like he had been doing everyday. Phil appreciated Dan’s company, saying it added a little liveliness to the dull hospital routine.

 

Phil was telling Dan about the time he nearly set fire to a tent when a doctor came into the room. His face was sharp and monotone in expression, easily intimidating Dan. Most doctors at least had a friendly smile. Dan hated to assume, but he suspected it was most likely bad news the doctor was bringing.

 

“Your MRI scans are back,” the doctor started. His voice was as dull as his face. “It looks like there is no swelling or other damage done to your brain. This would be a good sign if your vision had improved from the time we took the scan.”

 

Dan felt Phil tense next to him. He turned, seeing Phil’s stiff demeanor. It lacked its usual easygoing, gentle features.

 

“Does that mean…” Phil started, but his voice dropped off in fear of what was next.

 

Dan watched the doctor shift uncomfortably, hesitating. “If there was some damage or condition with your brain, it would explain why your vision isn’t returning. As we can see, though, that isn’t the case.”

 

Dan felt his heart drop. He knew what was next.

 

“I’m afraid your blindness is permanent.”

**Author's Note:**

> updates every wednesday! number of chapters is subject to change


End file.
